Lait Rose
by So Guhn
Summary: He was eating her Fruit Loops. He had to therefore DIE. SasukexSakura
1. Lait Rose

A/N: I don't know what possessed me to write this. I wanted to write Uchihacest! Honest! But points I ended up writing something like crack. Or fluff. And canon. AGAIN. I'm really not well-versed in this kind of thing. .

Disclaimer: Naruto (etc) belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and its respected owners. It does not belong to me in anyway whatsoever. Neither do 'Fruit Loops'; those don't belong to me either.

Title: Lait Rose

Rating: PG-13, for the snogging and swearing.

Pairing: SasukexSakura

Summary: He was eating her Fruit Loops. He had to therefore- _DIE._

----

She was going to kill him.

"YOU,"

Truly, with a spork if he was unlucky. And damn, she was only holding a spoon.

"Naruto was right," some exasperated hand movements were involved and he remembered only seeing her _this_ upset when he had pointedly told her on Valentine's Day when they were fourteen that he did not like sweets and tried to refuse the box of chocolate she was intent on having him receive (though he had eaten them anyway). He thought a bit off handedly that he should really start to get to know her better, but that was a tad hard since- she had just gotten him into a head lock. He, who was just trying to-

"You're eating all of the Fruit Loops!" Sakura scowled, an arm wrapped around his slender pale neck (that was being strangled, mind you), and it was really he who should be the one scowling. But that would have been quite impossible with the death grip she had placed on him. If he had known that he would have died by trying to eat breakfast, he wouldn't have even made an _attempt_ to live with her. And no other persuasive tomato waving or touches to the pink hair could _bribe _him to come and-

She was rambling, "You said you didn't even _like _sweet things, so why the hell-"

She had loosen her grip a bit (alas he could breathe) and he couldn't help but smirk (how could there _be_ a fic without a smirking Sasuke?), impressed that he had least brought out Inner Sakura; and as deadly she may be, she'd always put up a fabulous fight. That involved punching. And kunai throwing. Which meant blood; and he was just a bit of a masochist.

He took another bite of the quickly soggy-ing cereal.

No, no he was a _masochist._

She sputtered something, lovely pink hair flustered as her near red face and- "I _cannot_ believe you just-" he took another bite.

She cuffed him on the ear. Since- whether it _was Sasuke_ or not- he was…_damn him, _he was…_eating her Fruit Loops._

"Have you been listening to me at all?"

Yes, yes he had been listening (well for the most part anyway) and Inner Sakura wasn't being as violent as he would hope she would be (not like last time when he had tried doing the laundry and something like a red sock got mixed with the whites; she had been furious yelling things a bit along the lines of "I have _pink hair_ I don't need bloody _pink under garments, you-_" which he thought was a bit against justice since she looked very cute in pink. It really was a shame she seemed not to think so as well, and that he would never have the gall to tell her), but if he squinted he thought, the red fruit loops he could _pretend_-

"…and you'll be diabetic you know? Do you want to have _children_ with _your_ genes have something as silly as-"

He really should tell her diabetes was already hereditary in his family. Or least he thought it was. Since? Wouldn't that explain Itachi's wanton love for dango? Why he used to remember the aghast look his mother wore when she found his elder brother's trash can was full of those charming little sticks that had only a remnant of the sweet rice dough bits from- but he suppose that liking sweets couldn't mean one would be diabetic… and diabetes probably had nothing to do with bad eye sight so…

"Glasses!" her voice had risen to a pitch that if it went any higher he _knew _only dogs would be able to _hear_ her "Glasses! Do you know how expensive those things were? Your health is just going to be down the hill if you…"

He pushed the said black framed things a little bit higher on the bridge of his nose, all that jostling had moved them right to the tip, he was a tad surprised they hadn't fallen off.

The cereal was looking rather unappealing now. And he did feel a bit bad that Sakura- if need be _wanted _the last of it was going to get the soggiest of the soggy if she just kept on _babbling_ like that (however sweet she may had looked she had just woken up and was bound to be hungry) and he really was more in the mood for toast (with a tomato slice, and ooh maybe an _egg; _he knew _nii-san_ had been fond of those…) or maybe he could finally use that strawberry jam Orochimaru had sent him …

She crossed her arms and made a sort of huffing noise; he could feel the puff of breath by his ear. And finally what seemed like an hour or so of silence she said as if brandishing a rather sharp sword- "Fine I'll just go make _waffles,_"

And she made off to turn to the cupboard to retrieve some batter mix only to be swung around-

"Mff!"- And be in the arms of an over enthusiastic Uchiha. Since it involved snogging. Lots of snogging. And the hair petting she liked.

But if he was even just _trying_ to butter her up- "What was that about!" the yell didn't come out as indignant as she liked, but the boy was _very good_ with his tongue so she decided to let him off a bit. _A bit._

He muttered something about jam and waffles before releasing her and going to fetch a mixing bowl. She was half tempted to whack him with the spoon she still held, but decided not to, since it wouldn't help in making the waffles.

And she was very hungry.

The soggy Fruit Loops did not look at all appealing anymore.

It wasn't until later after the waffles were all done and made, and Sasuke had whipped out a small jar of strawberry jam ("Where on earth did you get that?" she had said and eyed it warily for it had no "_Nutrient Fact Table thing_" or whatever the hell that damn label was called and could have been _poison_ for all she knew) and insist they use it on their waffles (with one of those small "Hn"s of his, as well as a bit of footsy; though she really didn't think that had been part of _why _she had slathered a bit of it onto her waffle) that she noticed something very bad.

They were out of milk.

She pulled out a kunai.


	2. Sidestory: sounds best

A/N: Whilst (I over use words too much; I want a new vocabulary for Hanukkah. XD) cleaning out my Microsoft word _documenties_ I came across this. So here it is. The badly written continuation/spin-off/companion/omake/side-story/whatever-the-hell-you-want-to-call-it for 'Lait Rose'; 'written how the hell should I know?' ago. Enjoy! (If you can, it's stupidly long.)

Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Masashi Kishimoto and not I. Be grateful dearies.

---

He wasn't listening again.

She resisted the urge to whip out some needles and pin him. But it was. Just. So. Hard. What with a _very_ caffeine high Inner Sakura coaxing her (Ino, that sneaky _bitch_ knew how Inner Sakura got after a few coffees…), mentioning how great! a bloody Sasuke would be, and the _sheets_ they hadn't been clean in _ages_ so really it would be alright to just loom in and-

No.

A thousand 'no's she told herself.

It moved and she changed her mind.

"Ouch!"

"You deserved it." Pointing was involved, the phone rang (which was silenced at once by one of Sasuke's over-zealous kunai), and at some point Sakura had whacked the poor boy off his chair, and he had thrown chocolate in her hair.

She really didn't like him when he was like this.

"I told you not to bring THAT THING in the HOUSE,"

He had stop listening again.

She hit him.

He nibbled and sucked some of the chocolate out of her hair.

"Id wad a gifd," he said through pink pastel hair and if he didn't look so cute doing it she would have hit him again. With the chair.

"I don't care," she said, body poised above him, pinning by holding his slim wrists in her hands and pressing knees against hips. And she really didn't. _It _was sick. _It _was icky. _It _was one of the only birthday presents to have _survived_ and she hated it. Period. And _it _was… _it _was…

"Damn you Orochimaru!" she said venomously, hands freeing a bored looking Sasuke to rip almost desperately in overrated fake angst at her hair. Sakura was starting to see why Itachi killed the clan. She really could. If every single one of them had been like Sasuke… but then again that may have not been the case. Her thoughts wandered; since Sasuke was the only one left alive. So…it could have meant that _everyone _was the _opposite_ of him…

Her head started to hurt, and it wasn't because of the missing locks decorating the black shirt clad chest below her.

Of all the things that _damned sennin_ could have gotten his ex-apprentice, it had to be… to be…

_It _had to be a snake.

A white long, big, and very sarcastic white snake. _Bastard. _She glared at it. Then _Sasuke_. Oh she wanted to hurt him…

The _damn thing_ had eaten all her French cookies the third day it took residence; the ones that came in that charming little round… box with a golden ribbon tied round it… the one that had been a gift from her _mother_. Her wonderful, sweet, kind, who may have used too much cooking oil which left a very icky taste to the food but- they were _her cookies. HERS. _They were small white, half covered in chocolate, and she had found out half a minute after she arrived home, after she had spotted the familiar round… box _crumpled._ Crumbs littering the kitchen floor in a trail of tiny mockery.

The snake, smug, outrageously un-fat was doing many things wrong; it was…

Napping.

On the couch.

On _her Sasuke_.

She took out her broom that day and proceeded to whack it to the next century (or next five. She had inherited Tsunade's uber-strength) and more certainly her house.

Snakes were of the devil.

That was what her good-French-cookie-making-mum would have said. Sakura wasn't religious and neither was Inner-Sakura, but it was agreed that _anything_ that came from _Orochimaru _was certainly not sane or of good will. It was evil. Not just regular evil. "THE EVIL". Capitalized, quoted and with a 'the'. The snake had to go.

But it didn't since…

Sasuke liked it.

He _liked_ it.

She was now wondering why she had decided to marry him. Then she remembered- _he's pretty and cooks better than me_ and made note to kick Inner Sakura out of the gutter (lace was a 'no, no' down there).

She was really pissed at Itachi. It was partially his fault. It had to be his. He was the one who had to fuck up the poor boy; what with the killing of all his family members and such. Emotionally scarring him for a few good reincarnated lives down. _Bastard._

She had many reasons for hating Itachi. For one, Itachi had weird tastes (he wore plum coloured _nail-polish_ and was a _guy. _Sure it was part of his psycho organization's 'dress-code' and all but wouldn't something else be more fitting? Like 'blood-red'? Didn't villain-ish groupies enjoy the twisted symbolism? Besides Sasuke was the only boy she knew who could pull that shade of colour nail polish… Inner Sakura reminded her that was a secret she swore to Sasuke she would take to the grave…) Killed off the whole Uchiha clan; Sasuke's guest list for the wedding would be most likely _empty_. (Since he'd rather run off with a pedophile then even invite Naruto at least. And she knew he was certainly capable of it, she thought some what begrudgingly. She would have to invite him.) Two: was crazy. And three: looked better with long hair than she did.

That last one was what did it though.

She decided to sidle with Sasuke this New Year and not send him his ridiculously shiny card.

Or muffins.

"It's very bad luck to give your gifts away," he said, she glared at him for what seemed to the hundredth time. When did he start re-gaining a backbone?

She snorted; traditional families were always so over-superstitious. And this. Was SASUKE. _Dammit._ "When did YOU START CARING-"

"Besides," he said tiredly, pointer and thumb rubbing the bridge of his nose; effectively not halting her ranting (he could still hear it between what little words he _could_ use due to a semi-swollen right cheek courtesy of the pink-haired kunoichi yelling something that sounded suspiciously like 'baka' and 'if it lays eggs?' in the background) "I've already named her,"

"…eat the babi-" she stopped mid sentence and ceased waving her fists; thus leaving it so she could look at him in mild curiosity. "What?"

He blinked at her.

She hit him.

"What did you name it?"

"She," he corrected and another 'thawck' to the head was his reward.

He was almost hesitant to tell her.

So he didn't.

The first five minutes in. My, the floor had a lot of holes in it; he wondered if their neighbors below could see their ceiling paint curling off…

Sakura wanted her cookies. She really really needed one. But no. She couldn't have one since the _freaking snake _had eaten all of them. ALL OF THEM. It had been five minutes and Sasuke still hadn't told her the name. She was starting to wonder if all those hits to the head had caused… brain damage. Why! He could have amnesia! It would be horrible. She was just thinking of all the 'worst case scenarios' when she heard a faint mumbling from the floor.

"What?"

He mumbled again.

She hit him again. Brain damage be damned, Itachi had done enough to do the boy in years ago. It was then she decided that if she was going to make the boy talk she would have to-

And then she remembered.

"Did you send Orochimaru his 'thank you' card?"

Sasuke nodded.

"Good boy," she proceeded to reach for the last undamaged chair.


End file.
